Do you ever find yourself wishing that there was an easy button for parenting? An instruction manual that encompasses every situation you might encounter and exactly what to do. I’d love to be able to flip to the index, look up “‘disrespect’, and find the formula conveniently on page 42.
Unfortunately, that instruction manual doesn’t exist, and there is no easy button. There are some simple steps (although they won’t be easy) that you can follow to help with any situation you encounter. It’s going to require you to do some work BEFORE you encounter a challenging behavior, but if you are willing to do the work, you WILL reap the benefits! Are you ready?
FIRST, grab a piece of paper or the notes app on your phone and write down the top 3 challenging behaviors you encounter in your house. Then follow these steps:
Consider WHY your child might be behaving this way
Are they scared of being punished? Are they trying to fit in? Do they fear abandonment or not having enough to eat? Are they trying to mask pain from their past? Take time and really put yourself in their shoes. If you are having a hard time with this, ask your spouse or a trusted friend to help you think it through.
Make a plan
You have to decide when you’re regulated and calm how you will prevent this behavior (proactive) and how you will respond when it happens (reactive) again.
Be proactive
We can’t always prevent a behavior from happening, but sometimes we can find ways to limit how often it happens or “catch it low” before it becomes a big deal. Some proactive strategies could include making sure your child has regular snacks, drinks plenty of water, and gets good sleep. These things will help him/her stay regulated longer and prevent big behaviors. Also, thinking through things that trigger the big behaviors like trips to the store, being told ‘no,’ being asked to do chores, and finding creative ways to make these interactions better.
Use a measured and appropriate response
Dr. Purvis used to say, “Don’t shoot a gnat with an elephant gun!” We too often get really BIG in our responses, when in fact a smaller or more playful response will work better. When we use the right amount of correction for the situation, we keep our relationship moving in the right direction, even when correction is needed.
Want to chat with one of us about how to do this in your house? We’d love to help you understand the why and come up with a plan that will get you to a better place in your family. CLICK HERE to learn more about our parent coaching. Don’t wait until you are in crisis to get the help your family needs.
Have you subscribed to our YouTube Channel?
Check out Empowered Parent Television for uplifting and exciting content today.
Kayla North is co-founder of One Big Happy Home and is considered an expert on childhood trauma. Along with her husband, she has developed training materials and programs for parents, churches, and schools educating them on trauma and its impacts. Kayla is also an affiliate trainer with Trauma Free World, an ETC Parent Trainer, TBRI practitioner, and the Executive Directory of Tapestry. She speaks at churches, schools, conferences, and retreats nationwide.