The Tale of Two Thanksgivings

Fall leaves

Thanksgiving 2013 has come and gone without serious incident at our house. That statement is enough reason to rejoice because there is always the potential that something could go wrong every year. I won’t get into it here but let’s just say experience has made me wise.

Fortunately this year nothing went wrong.

We had a nice lunch and a nice time and on the surface it seems like we had a nice Thanksgiving, but did we? There is the collective Thanksgiving we have as a family, which was good, but we each have our own individual Thanksgivings as well.

A Story About a Girl

Tori’s birth mom couldn’t join us for lunch yesterday because she had to work. This caused lunch to be difficult for Tori because she was looking forward to seeing her. Unmet expectations are often the source of conflict and hurt feelings, and Tori’s expectations were certainly not met yesterday. She was sad and when we sat down to eat she couldn’t hide it any longer.

One of the many things I love about Tori is that she will talk about her feelings with us. She used to internalize everything but over the years she has trusted us enough to share. So, just before we started eating she came over and told us that she was sad because her birth mom couldn’t be with us. And that’s ultimately what helped her feel better, we talked about her feelings, we didn’t try to sweep them under the rug. She dealt with them, we talked about them and she felt validated which helped her feel better.

Yesterday was a great reminder that ignoring feelings and issues NEVER leads to a better place.

About a Boy

This week has been difficult for JJ and me. To say that he has been pushing the boundaries would be an understatement. If we asked him to do something he would do the opposite, if we told him to do something he simply wouldn’t do it. He has been running everywhere in the house and screaming more than he has been talking. He just hasn’t been himself. It seems as though he is defiant.

But is he? One the surface it certainly appears so. But I realized something about him this week. It’s not that he doesn’t respect our authority like I had previously thought. It’s that he has been thinking about his grandma more this week than he usually does. We are not her and so he thinks that he doesn’t have to listen to us. The end of this week has been bathed in redos and redirects because I finally got it. He just misses his grandma.

If nothing else I can take comfort knowing that January isn’t far away. Oh wait, we have a birthday to celebrate in January…

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